This topic explores the emotional and developmental complexity of sharing, from both a parental and a sibling perspective. Sharing is more than just handing over a toy, it’s a skill rooted in trust, fairness, and empathy. It challenges children's sense of self and parents' patience and guidance strategies.

PART 1: Being Parents – Navigating the Sharing Challenge

The Parental Role:

Parents serve as referees, teachers, and role models in their children's journey toward learning how to share. But it’s not always easy. Here’s why:

1. Emotional Outbursts:

Sharing can lead to tears, tantrums, or fights.
Parents must stay calm while managing strong emotions in multiple kids at once.

2. The Fairness Trap:

Children often cry “That’s not fair!”
Parents struggle to find a balance between treating kids equally and individually.

3. Time and Attention Sharing:

Not just about objects: sharing a parent’s time can be hard for children.
Parents face guilt when one child needs more attention than the other.

4. Teaching, Not Forcing:

Forcing a child to share too early can cause resentment.
Instead, parents must guide with patience: teaching empathy, turn-taking, and conflict resolution.

What Parents Can Do:

Model kindness and fairness in everyday life.
Validate both children’s emotions (“I see you’re both upset”).
Encourage language like “Can I use that next?” or “Would you like a turn after me?”
Introduce routines and tools (like timers or “sharing jars”) to take turns.

PART 2: Being Siblings – The Emotional Complexity of Sharing

From the Sibling’s View:

For siblings, particularly close in age, sharing feels personal. It’s about:

1. Area and Ownership:

Siblings live in close quarters and often feel protective of “their” space, toys, clothes, and even friends.
Sharing sometimes feels like losing identity or control.

2. Comparison and Competition:

Siblings constantly compare: “She always gets what she wants.”
Even small acts of sharing can feel like a loss when there's a perception of favoritism.

3. Emotional Hierarchies:

Older siblings may feel burdened (“I always have to give in because I’m older!”).
Younger siblings may feel overlooked or dominated.

4. Need for Validation:

Every child wants to feel seen and valued. When forced to share, they might feel like their needs don't matter.

Why Sharing is Still Essential

Despite these challenges, sharing teaches life-long skills:

Empathy: Understanding how others feel
Compromise: Finding a solution that works for everyone
Emotional regulation: Managing frustration or disappointment
Conflict resolution: Solving problems through dialogue
Fairness and cooperation: Building social harmony

Healthy Ways to Encourage Sharing in Families

For Parents	For Siblings
Model sharing in daily life	Practice turn-taking with games
Use positive reinforcement	Acknowledge each other's moods
Avoid labelling ("You're the selfish one")	Give and receive compliments for sharing
Create shared and private zones	Celebrate teamwork ("We played together!")
Hold regular family discussions about fairness	Learn to use "I" statements ("I feel sad when...")

A Real-Life Situation:

Two siblings—ages 5 and 8, fight over a LEGO set.

The younger one grabs the Favorite piece.
The older cries and yells, "He's ruining it!"

What the Parent Might Do:

Pause the play. Acknowledge both sides:
“You’re upset your tower was taken. You wanted to join in, but grabbing wasn’t okay.”
Suggest a solution:
“Let’s take turns. Set a timer for 5 minutes each.”
Offer praise:
“Thanks for waiting your turn—that was very grown-up.”

Last Thought:

“The challenge of sharing” isn’t about just splitting toys or time,
It’s about teaching children how to live in a world where others matter too.
As parents, we’re not just managing squabbles, we’re shaping future adults who know how to give, take, and care.

More info…

What is the “Sharing Challenge”?

➤ Definition:

The “sharing challenge” refers to the trouble children often face when asked to share toys, space, attention, or belongings, especially with their siblings. It’s a developmental issue that typically emerges in early childhood, but can resurface at various stages as kids grow and their needs change.

Why Sharing Between Siblings is a Big Deal in Parenting:

Brotherly relationships are the first long-term social relationships many children experience. Unlike friendships, siblings can’t just walk away when conflicts happen, they have to live together, share their environment, and often unconsciously for parental attention.

Factors That Make Sharing Rigid:

Age gaps (developmental readiness to share differs)
Personality differences (introverts vs extroverts, sensitive vs assertive)
Perceived fairness (e.g., “Why does he get that and I don’t?”)
Attachment to specific items (comfort objects, Favorite toys)
Desire for independence (asserting "mine!" as part of identity-building)

Developmental Psychology of Sharing

Sharing is a learned behaviour, not an instinct. According to child development experts:

Ages 2–3: Children are naturally egocentric; sharing is difficult and must be taught gently.
Ages 4–6: Kids begin to understand fairness and can be encouraged to take turns.

Ages 7+: Sharing becomes easier as empathy and self-control develop

Parenting Strategies for Managing Sharing Conflicts

Here are effective approaches for encouraging healthy sibling sharing:

1. Classical Sharing Behaviour

Kids watch how adults interact. Use moments like offering your child a bite of your food or taking turns with a toy during playtime.

2. Use Turn-Taking

Use timers or visual cues to show that each child gets a fair turn. This removes the perception of favouritism.

3. Label Emotions

Help kids name what they’re feeling: “You’re upset because you want the truck back. That makes sense.”

4. Teach “Trade” Skills

Teach kids to offer something in return instead of grabbing: “Can I use that if I give you this?”

5. Have Shared and Personal Items

Designate some toys as community toys and others as personal property. Respect ownership to reduce conflict.

6. Praise Cooperative Behaviour

Celebrate sharing moments: “I saw you gave your sister the crayon when she asked. That was kind!”

7. Avoid Forcing Sharing

Forcing a child to share immediately can lead to resentment. Instead, let them finish with a toy and then pass it along.

The Deeper Benefits of Learning to Share

Teaching sharing isn’t just about reducing noise levels in your living room. It helps children learn:

Empathy: Seeing things from someone else’s perspective
Fairness: Understanding rules and justice
Conflict resolution: Managing disagreements respectfully
Delayed gratification: Waiting for a turn builds patience
Emotional regulation: Handling disappointment calmly

Common Mistakes Parents Make

Comparing siblings: “Your brother always shares!” → This creates rivalry and discourages cooperation.
Favouritism or inconsistency: Unequal treatment, even unintentionally, fuels competition.
Ignoring positive moments: Focusing only on fights misses chances to reinforce good behavior.

Real-Life Example:

Scenario: Two siblings, ages 4 and 6, fight over a tablet.
Contest: The younger child grabs it mid-game, the older cries.
Parental Line:

Acknowledge both feelings: “You’re upset he grabbed it. You’re mad because you want to play now.”
Use a timer to set turns.
Praise them when they hand it over: “That was really fair of you.”

Parenting Mindset Shift

Rather than expectant perfect agreement, see sibling conflict as practice for life skills.
Each argument is an opportunity to teach boundaries, understanding, patience, and fairness.